Therapy

Cohiba!

I'm sure cigars are great and all. I mean, we use them to celebrate babies being born and other special occassions. But whenever I try to smoke one, it is really, really nasty. Grosser than cigarettes, grosser than dip, grosser than pipes.

All the smaller cigars that have all the sweet, chocolatey stuff going on are gross too.

Once Ben insisted we buy cigars and smoke them in Prague. The pictures of us were genius, but the actual taste was hella nasty. I think it took four absinthes to rid my mouth of the taste...

I guess they look cool, but no thank you.///

Cigars

Corporate Radio and The Big Box

I always got told the monopolies were illegal. Can't have them. Not fair. Not fair to the little guy. You can't own everything in a certain genre, because then you can charge whatever you want, either way too high, or way too low, to drive away competition. And we need competition. So I was told monopolies weren't OK. Then I played Monopoly and I realized that owning hotels in nice areas was a great way to fuck over your friends. As a result, I'm still working on buying a hotel in a nice area.

Here's another thing. For some things, the big box store is OK. They do it better. Like Home Depot. They have everything I need in one place. And mostly for cheaper. But mostly, I prefer the little guy. Like for restaurants. The big chains mostly are crap. But some of them are pretty good. Like Chik-Fil-A. Wait, now I'm thinking too hard. My head hurts. I'm going back to drinking my micro brew while I watch CBS. Go Baylor!

Monopolies

Wine Gums

Everybody knows that the Brits and we United Staters don't see eye on candy (sweets), chips (crisps), or bubble gum (blowing chewers).

That's why only the US could invent a gum called Hubba Bubba, and only the Brits could eat a candy called Wine Gums, which are more like Jujyfriut, if my memory serves me.

Hubba Bubba says cowboys, the old west, bravado, wide open spaces, yadda.

Wine gums is something a grandma would eat (if she still has any teeth).

Speaking of which, I saw an incredible exhibit on dentures from the first World War.

I think part of me wants to be British. Can you pass that bag of Malteasers!?

Hubba Bubba

Too much overhead

I love the Whispers and I also love the Four Tops. I also love the Temptations. Once I saw "The Temps and Tops" at Humphry's by the Bay. It's an outdoor concert venue in San Diego, right by Shelter Island. I've seen some great shows there actually. I saw Fats Domino and Jerry Lee Lewis, Jimmy Cliff.

But my point is this. 5 or 4 man vocal groups (that don't play the instruments) is too much overhead nowadays. You can't afford to bring a band around that has that many singers. Even Ladysmith Black Mambazo lost a few members. Just for budgetary reasons. I know. Tragic. Paul Simon tried to subsidize them, but Edie Brickell's shampoo bill was just too fucking high. No dice LBM!

So do this. Either learn an instrument, so you can be a mean power quintet (like the Bus Boys), or else you have to lose a singer or two. I would recommend losing one of the mids, and then the low deep bass guy. He's kind of a gimmick anyway, and besides, he'll catch on elsewhere. I hear 7-Up is looking for a new pitchman.

The Whispers

Smallish Ball

You might say the Yankees won the World Series with power hitting and pitching, and some great defense by Mark Texiera (all paid for through exorbitant spending during the off-season). But they also needed some help from ol' Johnny Damon, swiping third base on a play that many say turned the series. And that play in Game 4 at Philadelphia surely qualifies as "small ball", right?

I say it does, and this is my and my brother's blog, so I'm at least 50% in charge.

That's not to say that the long ball didn't bail the Yankees out of a bunch of jams. Solo HR's most of the time. But I have to give the broadcasters credit for examining the little intangibles that we devotees of the game love so much: base-running, defensive positioning, having quality at-bats (see Johnny Damon), productive outs, yadda yadda.

I don't even want to get into the designated hitter thing with you, Richard.

The season is over.

Bring on Granderson!

Small Ball

You think you got it tough?

It's tough down there in Tanzania. It's hot, there's drought, politics haven't been good for the regular person, and it's one of the poorest countries out there. But you don't hear them complaining, do you?! So why are you worried that you only got 2 chocolate chip muffins, when your sister got 3? A kid from Tanzania would love to get 1!

Things have improved though. A lot of people have good drinking water. A few people have good sanitation. And the TV industry is hopping. But nothing comes easy. You gotta work for it. That's why the people of Tanzania are great. Because they work hard, believe in God, and strive to improve. What have you done lately? You cleaned up your room but there's still lint and shit in the corners and behind the door. Work on that.

I may never see Tanzania in person. But I do know this. It's beautiful. Because it's real, and it's strives for all that is good. Just like you. Now give me a hug and get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a big day.

Tanzania

Pas de Problème

Yes, we know. Everything's messed up right now. More than usual. And it needs fixing! So while Obama and his team battle with the racist rednecks in Congress over the bigger issues of the day, maybe you and me can solve some of the smaller stuff right here on this blog.

#1: Read something: A book is your friend, so why not make some new friends over the next 3 months. And maybe cut down on all the media hype. Read an old-ish book. 1980 or earlier...

#2: Run. I don't care if it's on grass, dirt, sand or wherever. Go run around!!!

#3: Sleep. Get some rest, you freaks. And if you're having trouble sleeping, go back to #2.